(Apparently, this is a double post day)
Other couples going through IVF might be the only people that would understand the following situation. To others it might come off as rude and/or plain mean.
Backstory: Farmie and I started hanging out with this couple back in the summer of 2010. As we got to know them better we told them about our fertility issues and became relatively close to them. We saw them on regular basis and talked to them almost every day. Well...fast forward to summer 2011. After always asking about updates and wishing us good luck with our struggles of getting pregnant and them constantly being adamant that they didn't want children. Both the husband and the wife made it very clear that they liked their life just the way it was. So what news do they share with us ON MY BIRTHDAY?? They're pregnant. They're pregnant and they had been trying for 9 months. The entire time they were asking us updates on our situation and not saying a word about their plans. And for the record they knew it was my birthday...it wasn't an accident that they told us on that day.
The rest of 2011 I distanced myself from them and in turn Farmie did as well. I just couldn't wrap my head around their insensitivity on my birthday and the fact that they didn't share anything about their plans to have a child. It came down to the fact that they actually lied to us. Not only lied by omission, but straight up lied to us...
The last week of 2011 it started bothering me more and more. She's due mid January. We were still FB friends and I kept seeing posts about things regarding her pregnancy that irritated me every time I saw something new. So on New Years Eve I deleted them both. Farmie hasn't yet and they've been asking him why we haven't hung out lately. I felt a little guilt at first, but then I reminded myself that I owe them nothing. I cherish my friendships and my friends know that I'm always there for them. Why would I put any effort or allow even the slightest irritation from someone that has hurt me and lied to me?
So BUH BYE. Life's too short to waste time with people that don't care about you...with people that are not genuine...with people that don't have your best interest at heart.
Posts
Do I Have to Tell My Dad?
13 hours ago
7 comments:
You did the right thing. That was just low. Obviously they don't know what true friends are supposed to act like. Their loss!
Joey
The Childless Mom
I would have done the same!!! For me good friends are like candles in the dark; who would stand by you come rain or shine.
You deffinetly did the right thing, that was just dowright rude of them, and cruel. I can't beleive they did that. I am so sorry you had to go through that, that is not how real friends act at all. I am so sorry (hugs).
Wow! That is...maddening. I can fully understand going through IVF myself. I have had to let go of a few relationships with newish friends, for now anyway. They just don't understand, and I can't put myself in those positions anymore to be so hurt. I call it my "infertility bubble".
Looks like my computer will let me follow you now. Yay!
Thanks guys! Like I said, at first I felt a little guilty, but I feel so good about it now. Even if they ask me why I'm fully prepared to explain myself. I have no issue with that. We will run into them at some point I'm sure, but I'm not worried about it. We're all adults and I'll just be very straight forward with them if they ask.
I'm sorry to hear you had to go through this experience. I am thankful you were willing to share it, however. I think most people going through IF can relate. I know I have lost friends and distanced myself from others because of their lack of understanding. I think it's all part of the process. I think it's awful that these people lied to you and told you they were pregnant on your birthday. The birthday announcement is especially awful... Good for you for not putting up with it!
I don't think it's only those that have been through IVF. I've reached 3yrs ttc in April, and I def know what you are experiencing. Infertility is isolating in general. I've lost what I thought were CLOSE and were long term friends. One I had known for 10+yrs, who knew everything of my story, but was a complete bitch and EMAILED me at 21 WEEKS preg to break the news and had to add how quick it happened for them. I've never spoken to her since.
You are right to delete them. You are a better person then they are...
Tee @ infertilitee.blogspot.com (private)
To access: rpowerranger@blogspot.com
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