Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Cystic Fibrosis Testing
I called the clinic to check on the Cystic Fibrosis Mutation test that they completed when I was there. They thought it was a good idea since we already knew Farmie was a carrier. We completed the testing from 23andme.com and they only test for about 15 mutations. The test ordered by the clinic tests for over 90. It came back negative. (THANK GOODNESS) The clinic wants Farmie to do the same test even though they've confirmed I'm not a carrier. I don't really know why it would make a difference. We already know he's a carrier. Anyone have experience with this? When I asked them why they needed him to do the test when we already know he's a carrier they just said that it was because they want as much information as possible.
I've been thinking more and more about adoption lately. I have so much fear associated with IVF. I'm scared of risking my health again. I'm scared that something could happen and it will cause permanent damage. How is it that I feel some strange form of guilt at the thought of putting my body through this again and then I feel guilt at the same time at the thought of choosing to say "no, I will not do this again"? This would be my second egg retrieval and 4th cycle. I feel sorry for myself and what I've put my body through and it's a terrible crappy feeling.
The clinic is asking for my last period which means the beginning of the IVF cycle that we had tentatively scheduled for February. I can't bring myself to do it. The thought of it makes me want to just break down and cry. I think part of it is that my faith in IVF is gone. Fear is overriding any last little bit of hope I have in that process. And I kept telling myself that it might happen naturally. At the same time part of me wants to just give up and adopt and move on with our lives.
I know what is meant to happen will just happen, but I feel an end to this coming. I'm just not sure what form it will take.
Update from last post: Farmie and I have worked out the kink that kept creating little arguments Things are back to normal. We were just very off and not being very respectful or kind to each other. Everyone needs an adjustment every once in a while I guess.