The Next Step

My period started yesterday so I emailed the clinic letting them know.  I asked them if we will also need to be tested for Mycoplasma again since they never ordered a follow up test after we finished the medication.  I'm assuming that they will be starting me on birth control shortly.

I'm in such a good place mentally that my period didn't affect me anymore than having the thought of "Oh, well, no such luck."  My boobs have been sore the last week and although it did cross my mind that I could be pregnant I've learned to correct myself and dismiss those thoughts.  Daydreaming about a possible pregnancy and creating that possibility in my mind has always made things so much worse when my period did come.  So now, I just remind myself when those thoughts pop up that it's probably just period symptoms.  It's not being "positive", but screw that...it helps avoid an emotional letdown.  

I'm sort of convinced that this transfer will work since I've surrendered to all of this and I'm enjoying my life just the way it is.  Isn't that how things work?  You let go and in a way give up and then it happens.  I'm getting ahead of myself, I know, but this has been on my mind a lot lately.  Reading some of the blogs of new moms I'm realizing that a new baby no matter how much it's been painstakingly prayed and pleaded for, can be a whole new challenge.  It doesn't end with infertility.  Getting what you want doesn't end the hardships.  I find it very sad in a way, but then again that's how life works.  Bliss is great, but we all know that doesn't last very long.

Then there of course is always the chance that this transfer won't work either and I will prepare myself for that.  I didn't the first time and it was much harder on me emotionally than the second failed transfer.  As for what we'll do if this one fails, I have no idea.  But I do know, that I'll try to get back to the place I'm in right now.  Enjoying my life with my husband and being grateful for everything I have right at this moment, today.